SPOILER ALERT!

I’m sure most people have seen the bitter, perpetually-bullied nerd character on television or in movies. You know, the guy whose only recourse against the abuse he gets is to curse his tormentor under his breath as they leave. The bully turns back and says, “Did you say something?” and the bully meekly replies, “No.” The nerd then goes home and dreams of the magical day when the tables turn and he can get his revenge against all those that have done him wrong.

This is the main character of the movie, “The Day the Earth Stood Still.” It wasn’t Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connolly, any other human actor, or even any of the computer-generated alien characters, though. It was a bitter environmentalist screenwriter who, driven mad by the fact that fact that humans are destroying the planet and won’t stop or even listen, has no other recourse but to create a fantastic story where incredibly powerful aliens come to Earth and forces us to do what he wants. You might have to look hard, but this character can be found in every scene. In the scene where the alien incredulously asks “Your planet?” when a questioner asks him why he visited Earth, you can practically see the screenwriter mouthing the words. In the scene where the alien states that he cannot allow one species (humans) to destroy the valuable planet, you can almost see the screenwriter wagging his finger at mankind.

I don’t know who wrote this movie or how close it follows the book; I’m just saying that’s all I could see while watching the movie. I don’t know how else to explain the movie. If you strip out the movie stars and the special effects, the plot to this movie is very simple: Aliens travel to Earth to save it from being destroyed by wiping the planet clean of all humans. At the last moment, the aliens see that humans have some potential for “good” and decide to spare us. But on their way out, though, the aliens destroy all human technology — even down to wrist-watches. Who could up with such a plot?

There is one funny aspect of this movie, however: Product placement. For a movie with such an anti-man, anti-capitalist message, it certainly had a lot of products out for display. At one point when Jennifer Connolly reaches to her cell phone, there’s a closeup that lasts just long enough for everybody to clearly make out the “LG” logo. When the military leaders meet a table with a surface screen, I could swear that I saw a Windows logo. And maybe this stuck out to me because I’m a big Honda fan, but a couple scenes where Jennifer Connolly drives Keanu Reeves around in a Honda Accord look like they came out of a Honda tv ad. Who knows, maybe seeing the Honda Accord’s great gas mileage showed the aliens that humans are really concerned about saving the environment?

Anyway, I recommend not wasting your time on this movie. This movie is nothing but a two-hour attempt to guilt its viewers into how horrible they are for living at the expense of the planet. And that “good” that the aliens saw in humans? It’s our potential to acknowledge just how depraved we are. Stay away.